When I think back over the past several years of resolutions made or goals I’ve planned on working toward there is one that always tops the list – being more patient. It’s at the top of this year’s list again.
My impatience stamps its feet and demands attention in almost every aspect of my life – at work, at home, at the gym, on the road. It can be loud and verbal. It can be quiet and unspoken, something only I’ve noticed (I’m happy when that happens; less apologies to make or excuses to come up with) but I know it’s always there. It’s often a subtle feeling I have which can frustrate and disappoint me. I think I’ve become more aware of my flaw and have gotten better at taming it but, still the impatient woman that I am, wish I was better at it.
Like anything else this can be an asset at times. Because I am impatient I get things done….Now. I don’t like seeing my house in disarray and, for the most part, will put things back where they belong regularly. At work I want to respond to my customers as quickly as possible and will work through lunch or stay late if necessary to accomplish this. In the gym I focus on my workout talking little to the people around me. If I have an opinion about something I usually can’t wait to share it (this also falls under the liability column) making for a lively discussion. All of these actions may be something else but I attribute them all to a form of impatience. I can’t wait to do that or say this or finish that. That’s what it feels like and that’s how I identify it. Then there are the times when I am obviously outright impatient. Waiting in line at a store thinking the cashier could work faster, mumbling under my breath (or out loud) at the car in front of me who’s driver isn’t going as fast as I want when I’m late for work, repeating myself again and again with more urgency in the hope that whoever I’m talking to will see things my way. This. This is what I clearly can and need to work on.
So day after day which has turned into year after year I work on being more patient. I’m not sure how much progress I will ultimately make. In general I am quick to respond and animated when I talk, raising and lowering (but mostly raising) my voice and punctuating my point with my hands. I love discussing and dissecting any given topic with people and oftentimes bring more energy to the topic than is called for. I confuse being impatient with being me. I don’t think I’ll be able to change some of this behavior, I feel like I’m hardwired at my core to be who I am; loud and animated in an immediate way. But I can certainly work on waiting patiently in line or checking my thoughts when driving to work.
What are your resolutions?